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by Lucidstatic

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1.
2.
I made you a choice I degraded you with whim I set you up to fail I used you to win I spit curses at you while making you my scapegoat I stabbed at you until I uncovered every insecurity I wrote you out, made you a liner note I promised you everything and took it all away I made a choice that I blame on you I set the stage and gave you a role to play I made a life separate from reality to name you the offender A detective couldn’t untangle my web of lies I made a choice and I’m better without you I couldn’t even look you in the eyes I made a choice and thought it resolved my problems Only to wake to those problems in the morning I replaced you like I would get undressed Quickly for another, hoping they would praise my lies and miserable actions Maybe one day I’ll stop being this fucking contradiction
3.
4.
Dreams attack me unrelenting They carve through my softened beaten flesh They find me frail and still fighting They find me aching to recapture this Failed future If I could fill this void I would drown you If I could find the error I would rewrite you If I could fulfill the end game I would swallow that bullet If I could find peace The dreams find me in the dark I'm falling I'm failing I'm resurrecting The dreams find me throwing blind punches in random arcs I'm furious I'm wounded I'm ripping Apart every lie left nailed to me If I could fill this void I would drown you If I could find the error I would rewrite you If I could fulfill the end game I would swallow that bullet If I could find peace In the past I swallow calm blues and greens I consume poison by the bottle I numb I succumb I demean I survive another dead future another bloody battle This time I'm without my weapons This time I realize its hard to see clearly with blood in your eyes
5.
6.
7.
Unknown passage to today’s nightmare Dream hangover abandons a ghost as my new guest Wishes of care and family choked by words bound with hatred You were nowhere to be seen while standing in front of me This is the bed you set a light This is a fight for the life we dreamt We lose sight at the divide We lose each other, we lose all potential The tears and screams are energy diffused
8.
You came within sight, sharp and clear Contrast against the blur I had filled my eyes with You came and lifted me from the dark I had made a dear friend Whispered that I was what you wanted, made me feel like the perfect gift Made me feel like I could, I would, I should Feel your heavy breath, poisoned, heavy on my face Fell for your lies, hook in my mouth Feel your blessings like warm hands and your curses like fists You are the agent of chaos doing everything to create and destroy this You came into my home, you fell limp in my arms You brightened my days, you started fires You built worlds for us and made me a liar If I could change a thing, I’d change you Feel your heavy breath, poisoned, heavy on my face Fell for your lies, hook in my mouth Feel your blessings like warm hands and your curses like fists You are the agent of chaos doing everything to create and destroy this Paint on your social face and hide the black around your eyes Paint on the pretty smile you practice, hoping the acid doesn’t corrode Paint a picture and hope the original doesn’t show Paint a story of love and hope no one knows the truth You’re an agent of chaos, trigger happy and pitiful You’re my agent of chaos, sad and irrational Angry and beautiful, bittersweet cannibal If I could change a thing I’d change you Make you see the error you can’t conceal I hope you never heal
9.
Want to wrap you in these arms Hold you until the mornings light Want to be the memory you can't forget Hold your life in a kiss Hold, wait and try to get away Want to wrap my fingers in your wounds Hold your breath until you're blue Want to be the last thing you see A smile Want to cradle you in my warmth Hold your heart until darkness falls Want to protect you from harm Hold your affection and wear it like a diamond Flawed, momentary and a lie Want to wrap my fingers in your wounds Hold your breath until you're blue Want to be the last thing you see A smile No after me, no sharing You'll be a framed bittersweet memory 6 feet lying in remembered beauty Truth fallen to utter decay
10.
running down a dark alley to the left to the right these rabid dogs are on your ankles stop for a momentary breath, a calm and they steal the breath from you cannot escape as hard you may will it these beasts return for their god given Right these creatures know you and hunt your scent they see you like no one else can these monsters are you who you have been they rip at every part of who you could be No escape running down the streets of this city to the left to the right these famished mouths will claim you
11.
Your words stream from your red lips like shrapnel They rip apart and dismember every truth, every image, every belief I had in knowing you These syllables hammer nails into the coffin which contains the warm moments we shared They hide these glimpses and dust our bodies in the dry remains of slander and self deceit What was meant to be beautiful was disfigured by a sharp tongue and weak resolve You didn’t give up on me you destroyed us
12.
13.
Dear mom and dad I'm sorry it's come to this and I never believed I'd write this note This isn't your fault and it isn't goodbye I'm making the invisible tangible Every day I look at myself in the mirror and see a scar Raised and calloused to the stimulus the rest of you respond to My inner self looks like a burn victim trying to smile I feel sick and hurt and tired and beaten I've lived loved hurt laughed cried and accomplished I've done it swallowed it snorted it and shot it I'm done and I'm sorry I love you, take care of my brother to see he goes forward better than I have To my friends, sorry I couldn't face you anymore couldn't repeat the same worries or share in your laughter Sorry I couldn't say what was on my mind what was wrapped around my stomach like a vice We had a time and this is separate and apart from you Drawing chalk outlines of who I used to be Drawing lines between points a thru z Drawing attention from the disaster left in my wake Drawing lines across your faces, too many hours awake Can't sleep can't dream can't find the light I stopped trying to fight and swam the sea of despair I saw sweet oblivion and chose to swim to the surface Breathe in some fresh air This isn't a goodbye Til death do us part. This is a bittersweet tragedy. This isn't goodbye I'm sorry Enjoy tomorrow for me This is the last......

about

This album is dedicated to a time past, to a person I thought I knew. This is a story of loss, deception, and betrayal. This is my recovery. This is my therapy.

The album is intentionally rough and raw. I wanted a flawed sound to convey this hard to define emotion. I hope you enjoy the result.

Thanks:
A huge thank you to all the CRL crew and friends that helped me get home from the disaster. Without you, I may well be broke and homeless in an unfamiliar city still.
Thanks to everyone who added their vocal pearls to this body of work. Thanks to Jii, Don Hill (I miss you brother), Rob Lioy, Nate, Jeremy, Jon, Bethan, and the others
who kept me even during this time. Thank you to my family for helping me get back on my feet. To the source of this material, thank you for letting me know I deserve
better and helping me realize I was drowning myself. I hope you find what you are looking for.

credits

released May 12, 2016

All music written, performed and produced by Lucidstatic
Except 'Waste' written and produced by Lucidstatic and Sumibraxis/Toothgnasher
All lyrics written by Lucidstatic
Except 'Never See Eye To Eye Again' written by Sleepless Droids, 'Bleed The Voice' written by Chris Shortt,
'Oil And Water' written by Sabine Snaps, and 'Gold' written by Emily Steigerwald
Additional vocals on 'Divide' by James Orez of Chemical Promise
Mixing and mastering by Tokee
Except 'Oil And Water' mixed by Levi Paul
Art by L ö W

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Lucidstatic Anchorage, Alaska

From the cold landscapes of Alaska comes a talented new artist. With their prolific blend of glitch, breakcore, industrial, and idm, Lucidstatic is by no means an imitator, but rather an innovator of the hard electronic sound. Effortlessly fusing addictive rhythms with slicing beatwork and thought-provoking samples to create sonic compositions that grab the listener by the tympanic membrane. ... more

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