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by Lucidstatic

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about

This album is dedicated to a time past, to a person I thought I knew. This is a story of loss, deception, and betrayal. This is my recovery. This is my therapy.

The album is intentionally rough and raw. I wanted a flawed sound to convey this hard to define emotion. I hope you enjoy the result.

Thanks:
A huge thank you to all the CRL crew and friends that helped me get home from the disaster. Without you, I may well be broke and homeless in an unfamiliar city still.
Thanks to everyone who added their vocal pearls to this body of work. Thanks to Jii, Don Hill (I miss you brother), Rob Lioy, Nate, Jeremy, Jon, Bethan, and the others
who kept me even during this time. Thank you to my family for helping me get back on my feet. To the source of this material, thank you for letting me know I deserve
better and helping me realize I was drowning myself. I hope you find what you are looking for.

credits

released May 12, 2016

All music written, performed and produced by Lucidstatic
Except 'Waste' written and produced by Lucidstatic and Sumibraxis/Toothgnasher
All lyrics written by Lucidstatic
Except 'Never See Eye To Eye Again' written by Sleepless Droids, 'Bleed The Voice' written by Chris Shortt,
'Oil And Water' written by Sabine Snaps, and 'Gold' written by Emily Steigerwald
Additional vocals on 'Divide' by James Orez of Chemical Promise
Mixing and mastering by Tokee
Except 'Oil And Water' mixed by Levi Paul
Art by L ö W

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about

Lucidstatic Anchorage, Alaska

From the cold landscapes of Alaska comes a talented new artist. With his prolific blend of glitch, breakcore, industrial, and idm, Lucidstatic is by no means an imitator, but rather an innovator of the hard electronic sound. Effortlessly fusing addictive rhythms with slicing beatwork and thought-provoking samples to create sonic compositions that firmly grab the listener by the tympanic membrane. ... more

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Track Name: Guile (ft Chemical Promise)
I made you a choice
I degraded you with whim
I set you up to fail
I used you to win
I spit curses at you while making you my scapegoat
I stabbed at you until I uncovered every insecurity
I wrote you out, made you a liner note
I promised you everything and took it all away
I made a choice that I blame on you
I set the stage and gave you a role to play
I made a life separate from reality to name you the offender
A detective couldn’t untangle my web of lies
I made a choice and I’m better without you
I couldn’t even look you in the eyes

I made a choice and thought it resolved my problems
Only to wake to those problems in the morning
I replaced you like I would get undressed
Quickly for another, hoping they would praise my lies and miserable actions
Maybe one day I’ll stop being this fucking contradiction
Track Name: Dreams In The Void (ft Chris Lacroix and Suzie Hess of Apollyon's Visage)
Dreams attack me unrelenting
They carve through my softened beaten flesh
They find me frail and still fighting
They find me aching to recapture this
Failed future
If I could fill this void I would drown you
If I could find the error I would rewrite you
If I could fulfill the end game I would swallow that bullet
If I could find peace
The dreams find me in the dark
I'm falling I'm failing I'm resurrecting
The dreams find me throwing blind punches in random arcs
I'm furious I'm wounded I'm ripping
Apart every lie left nailed to me
If I could fill this void I would drown you
If I could find the error I would rewrite you
If I could fulfill the end game I would swallow that bullet
If I could find peace
In the past I swallow calm blues and greens
I consume poison by the bottle
I numb I succumb I demean
I survive another dead future another bloody battle
This time I'm without my weapons
This time I realize its hard to see clearly with blood in your eyes
Track Name: Divide (ft iammynewt)
Unknown passage to today’s nightmare
Dream hangover abandons a ghost as my new guest
Wishes of care and family choked by words bound with hatred
You were nowhere to be seen while standing in front of me
This is the bed you set a light
This is a fight for the life we dreamt
We lose sight at the divide
We lose each other, we lose all potential
The tears and screams are energy diffused
Track Name: Agent Of Chaos (ft Sumibraxis of Toothgnasher)
You came within sight, sharp and clear
Contrast against the blur I had filled my eyes with
You came and lifted me from the dark I had made a dear friend
Whispered that I was what you wanted, made me feel like the perfect gift
Made me feel like I could, I would, I should
Feel your heavy breath, poisoned, heavy on my face
Fell for your lies, hook in my mouth
Feel your blessings like warm hands and your curses like fists
You are the agent of chaos doing everything to create and destroy this
You came into my home, you fell limp in my arms
You brightened my days, you started fires
You built worlds for us and made me a liar
If I could change a thing, I’d change you
Feel your heavy breath, poisoned, heavy on my face
Fell for your lies, hook in my mouth
Feel your blessings like warm hands and your curses like fists
You are the agent of chaos doing everything to create and destroy this
Paint on your social face and hide the black around your eyes
Paint on the pretty smile you practice, hoping the acid doesn’t corrode
Paint a picture and hope the original doesn’t show
Paint a story of love and hope no one knows the truth
You’re an agent of chaos, trigger happy and pitiful
You’re my agent of chaos, sad and irrational
Angry and beautiful, bittersweet cannibal

If I could change a thing I’d change you
Make you see the error you can’t conceal
I hope you never heal
Track Name: Want And Hold (ft Viscera Drip)
Want to wrap you in these arms
Hold you until the mornings light
Want to be the memory you can't forget
Hold your life in a kiss
Hold, wait and try to get away
Want to wrap my fingers in your wounds
Hold your breath until you're blue
Want to be the last thing you see
A smile
Want to cradle you in my warmth
Hold your heart until darkness falls
Want to protect you from harm
Hold your affection and wear it like a diamond
Flawed, momentary and a lie
Want to wrap my fingers in your wounds
Hold your breath until you're blue
Want to be the last thing you see
A smile
No after me, no sharing
You'll be a framed bittersweet memory
6 feet lying in remembered beauty
Truth fallen to utter decay
Track Name: Claim (ft XSRY)
running down a dark alley
to the left to the right
these rabid dogs are on your ankles
stop for a momentary breath, a calm and they steal the breath from you
cannot escape as hard you may will it
these beasts return for their god given
Right
these creatures know you and hunt your scent
they see you like no one else can
these monsters are you who you have been
they rip at every part of who you could be
No escape
running down the streets of this city
to the left to the right
these famished mouths will claim you
Track Name: Sharp Tongue (ft Sumibraxis of Toothgnasher)
Your words stream from your red lips like shrapnel
They rip apart and dismember every truth, every image, every belief I had in knowing you
These syllables hammer nails into the coffin which contains the warm moments we shared
They hide these glimpses and dust our bodies in the dry remains of slander and self deceit
What was meant to be beautiful was disfigured by a sharp tongue and weak resolve
You didn’t give up on me you destroyed us
Track Name: Goodbye (ft Sumibraxis of Toothgnasher and Leprekon)
Dear mom and dad
I'm sorry it's come to this and I never believed I'd write this note
This isn't your fault and it isn't goodbye
I'm making the invisible tangible
Every day I look at myself in the mirror and see a scar
Raised and calloused to the stimulus the rest of you respond to
My inner self looks like a burn victim trying to smile
I feel sick and hurt and tired and beaten
I've lived loved hurt laughed cried and accomplished
I've done it swallowed it snorted it and shot it
I'm done and I'm sorry
I love you, take care of my brother to see he goes forward better than I have
To my friends, sorry I couldn't face you anymore couldn't repeat the same worries or share in your laughter
Sorry I couldn't say what was on my mind what was wrapped around my stomach like a vice
We had a time and this is separate and apart from you

Drawing chalk outlines of who I used to be
Drawing lines between points a thru z
Drawing attention from the disaster left in my wake
Drawing lines across your faces, too many hours awake
Can't sleep can't dream can't find the light
I stopped trying to fight and swam the sea of despair
I saw sweet oblivion and chose to swim to the surface
Breathe in some fresh air
This isn't a goodbye
Til death do us part. This is a bittersweet tragedy.
This isn't goodbye
I'm sorry
Enjoy tomorrow for me
This is the last......